How did I get here? 32 years old and completely unprepared. Are those crows feet around my eyes? Is that gray hair in my bangs? Things are sagging and bagging and growing bigger than a breadbox. Gravity is a pain in my a**. My feet are widening, my butt is spreading, my thighs are petitioning to be annexed from my mid-section. Pregnancy gave me an Extreme Make-Over but age is gonna get me condemned, pink-slipped, torn down, and buried.
If I was a tree, and rings were days, you couldn't count all my rings. You'd give up at ten thousand one hundred and three because, after all, counting tree rings is boring and don't you have anything better to do?
How did I get here? 32 is old. Why didn't anyone warn me?