Friday, April 23, 2010

you have to admit it's a valid question

What do hookers, heroin users and I have in common?

No, it’s not the way we dress, although I realize hookers and heroin users love their granny cardigans every bit as much as I do. It’s not the infected sores, either. (I know, I know, I’m gonna have to get to the doctor eventually, but in the meantime, assures me that I’m not contagious. Relax.)

Well. Apparently there are more similarities than I realized, so I’ll just go ahead and give you the answer: none of us can donate blood this week. It turns out that hookers, heroin users and I all share the common bond of being declined by the Red Cross.

It’s an extremely exclusive club, so no, I’m not gonna sneak you in the back door. But here’s how you can get in on your own: have unprotected sex with 100 men a day for a minimum of 6 months, share needles with some guy named Scat in the alley behind Sizzlers at least once, OR have such low iron that the technician who tests your hemoglobin worries if you’re healthy enough to be operating a motor vehicle.

People get declined for things all the time. Credit cards, car loans, college admissions, marriage proposals. But how many people get declined by an organization desperate to draw your universally life-saving type O+ blood? Wait. Let me clarify. This is an organization that sets up in a van ON SKID ROW and buys the blood of homeless people. And they turned me down.

I must be some kind of special. I’m going to go celebrate with my new friends. Hey, Scat, wait up!


Ann @ makethebestofthings said...

Love the way you write and round up the whole post in a neat little package with Scat tied on top. BTW, I think I know this guy. OTOH, get some iron in you or I will be forced to come over and make liver and onions and you know what happens kick me out and disown me.

TLC said...

I to am part of this club but only the last two times, I will donate again oh yes I will. I (per the vamps) must load up on the molasses on my oatmeal. Now I have not tried this as I'm not so sure about molasses but I will try it. Keep trying little sis and you will be able to donate and save an important life. Proud of you for trying.