I read an article online today that Steven Seagal’s sex slave filed a lawsuit against him for basically being a kung fu pervert and looking like a stick of butter with a ponytail. She also says she has knowledge of his “unique physiological reaction” to being (…I'm...running...bathroom...puking...) sexually aroused.
Let me be the one zillionth person to respond to this: omigodgross.
The article went on to question briefly why the sex slave filed a civil lawsuit as opposed to a criminal complaint. Because interwebs reporting equals excellent reporting, the inquiry was perfunctory and without insight. Here’s my insight: a civil lawsuit gets you money. A criminal complaint requires proof.
The only thing this lady’s lawsuit says to me is that a) she’s willing to publicly admit to being around a sexually aroused Steven Seagal and b) give that lady some damn money. She’s obviously earned it.
This woman is literally holding the entire world hostage, and we’re just praying he’ll pay her off because, God knows, nobody wants to know the specifics of that “unique physiological reaction”, amirite? I know I am.
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