Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I can't believe it's not butter

I read an article online today that Steven Seagal’s sex slave filed a lawsuit against him for basically being a kung fu pervert and looking like a stick of butter with a ponytail. She also says she has knowledge of his “unique physiological reaction” to being (…I'm...running...bathroom...puking...) sexually aroused.


Parkaaay!

Let me be the one zillionth person to respond to this: omigodgross.

The article went on to question briefly why the sex slave filed a civil lawsuit as opposed to a criminal complaint. Because interwebs reporting equals excellent reporting, the inquiry was perfunctory and without insight. Here’s my insight: a civil lawsuit gets you money. A criminal complaint requires proof.

The only thing this lady’s lawsuit says to me is that a) she’s willing to publicly admit to being around a sexually aroused Steven Seagal and b) give that lady some damn money. She’s obviously earned it.

This woman is literally holding the entire world hostage, and we’re just praying he’ll pay her off because, God knows, nobody wants to know the specifics of that “unique physiological reaction”, amirite? I know I am.

4 comments:

Ann @ makethebestofthings said...

Okay, now I've got to go do a search for Steven Seagal's sex slave. I am prepared to be squicked. What would I do with out you?

Ann @ makethebestofthings said...

So, of course now the speculation begins....does he howl like a dog? I am sure this will go downhill from here.

Ann @ makethebestofthings said...

....and here's a quote for ya!
Regarding his career, Seagal has stated, "I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol."

lolol gag!

rachel whetzel said...

I am SO glad I didn't have a drink in my mouth when I was reading this. It would be ALL OVER the computer.
ALSO:
Youaretotallyrite