Wednesday, April 28, 2010

she's doing it wrong

Princess Bea (seen here, with her unfortunately tiny eyes and itty bitty teeth) ran a marathon. She finished in 5 hours, 15 minutes, 57 seconds. She was met at the finish line by her parents, Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson.

Apparently, this particular princess doesn’t understand the rules. She’s supposed to sit in her palace all day, ordering the servants around and kicking kittens just because she can. When she’s in public, she’s supposed to hide needles in her dress sleeves so she can pull them out and poke commoners when they wander too close. And her main food source is supposed to be bon-bons and the souls of her subjects. Because it’s the rules.

It sounds like this princess actually trained for said marathon, which means buckets of princess sweat. That’s rarer than a unicorn’s tears. Was there anyone there collecting it? Isn’t that what a handmaiden is for? No? Well, somebody’s losing their head over this (what do you mean they don’t do that anymore?! Hot poker in the eye, then. No?! What. The. Hell.)

*sniff* I don’t know if I want to live in a world where a princess a) looks like that, b) sweats, and c) doesn’t wear a ball gown 24-7. I mean, if a princess doesn’t get to order a beheading, then what do the rest of us have to hope for?

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