Sunday, January 25, 2009

positive is hard

Stinking Steven. I told him I'd try to be more positive but writing positive is WAY harder than writing negative. Would it help if I started each entry with "no offense, but..." or "don't take this the wrong way..."? Doesn't that excuse ANYTHING I could possibly say?

"No offense, but do you realize you're not fooling anybody by wearing white on your wedding day?"
"Don't take this the wrong way, but your taste in men is almost as bad as your taste in clothes."

See? It just takes the sting right out of it!

I'm gonna start every sentence that way from now on.

1 comment:

nerdpulse said...

Oh yes, my friend. I live with one of these "glass is half full" people.

You just need to master the art of passive aggressive criticism. I call this the "wow" technique.


RE: Madonna
"Wow you really look great for your age. I hope I can move around and stuff when I'm that old."
Translation: don't you realize how old you are? Where's your dignity? Do it for the kids!

RE: Insulting people
"Wow those clothes actually make you look smaller!"
Translation: it was quite a feat, but you found some clothing that bends light ala a black hole. Good job.

"Wow you look really tan. I would be worried about melanoma."
Translation: You look like a saddlebag, and you probably have cancer.

Remember, practice makes perfect!

*thumbs up*