You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar

Dear Sir,

Your bumper sticker and window decal caught my eye and I'd like to congratulate you on your early warning system. Because you had the foresight to post large, easy to read signage on your vehicle, everyone within a 200 foot radius can a) keep their daughters, nieces, cousins, friends and female pets away from you, b) stare at you in shock and dismay, and c) have no doubt whatsoever about your status as Really Big Douchebag.

I sincerely hope that this is your attempt to avoid procreation. I wish you only the best of luck at bringing your gene pool to a complete stop.

The Navy would like its sticker back, please.

Sincerely,
Every Self Respecting Person Alive

does being rich make you stupid?

Why can't rich people pay their taxes? How many have been felled by that simplest, most unavoidable part of American citizenship? Haven't they ever seen the bumper stickers? DEATH and TAXES. Are they worried that if they pay the $128,000 tax bill, they won't have enough to pay their power bill? Don't they know that McDonalds has a Dollar Menu?

Let's do the math. I'm a millionaire. I own houses in New York, Gstaad, and a little winter place in the Bahamas. I eat $4500 dinners and wear $600 socks. I make seven figures a year and I owe $128,000 in taxes. I don't pay. Not because I can't afford it but because it's only a big deal if you get caught. They'll only find out if I'm nominated for some government position and what are the chances of that? Besides, is the IRS really gonna be crippled without my measly $128k?

Now. Say I'm a regular working-class citizen. I own one 1300 square foot house in a small town. I spend $300 per month on groceries for a family of four and I make five figures a year. I owe $700 in taxes. I can't pay because if I do, I can't pay my mortgage. I've always paid my taxes before and I've never even been late. The IRS tacks on interest fees and late penalties that double what I owe, garnishes my bank account and puts a lien on my house. Because, apparently, my $700 is all that's keeping them afloat.

Something is so wrong with this picture.

I really really mean it

Billy Mayes. I hate you. You are so stupid, your own mother doesn't even love you. I want to see your body dance on the third rail. I've never wanted anything more in my whole life. Seriously.